Leah Barr

I’ve been working on my novel quite a bit lately. The story is having some hiccups but all in all it’s turning out quite well. Matt has been working on his as well and his writing is always wonderful.

We took the kids to Disney World last month. For any of you who have read earlier in the blog, I had mentioned a big surprise. That was it. They only found out about it the night before we went. They were ecstatic, the blonde kid even screamed. We had a marvelous time in the Magic Kingdom (although I could have sworn my feet were going to fall off) and then hung out with the short one’s grandparents the next day at Disney Hollywood Studios. A fantastic time was had by all. I have, somehow, lost an entire outfit of clothes. Jeans, shirt, bra…all missing. I’m wondering if I left it in a hotel. I can’t imagine I’d have not noticed them but they are not here so I have no idea.

My crazy, sweet, violent, black cat has been extremely put out with me lately. I haven’t been napping with her and she gets rather annoyed. I can tell because when she sees me (if I walk into the bedroom for anything) she gives me the stink eye and then swings her huge puffy tail around violently. On occasion the violent tail swinging results in Maggie hitting herself in the face. You have to stifle laughter in front of her, however, or she waits until you’re not looking and bites your ankle. It’s special.

Speaking of special, Maya (the dog) is driving me nuts. She is a very active dog and is going to be getting trained shortly. I cannot stand that she is so…what’s the word…orally fixated. She tries to eat the short kids hair and is constantly trying to eat my fingers, feet, legs…really anything she can get her mouth around or tongue on. I know most of you don’t know me that well so I’ll clarify for you…I don’t like being nosed (having a wet nose put on me, even my clothing) or licked. I am not a dog person. It isn’t that I dislike dogs, and they all LOVE me, it’s just that I like having my own space and every dog we’ve had doesn’t give me that. I think that’s why I prefer cats. Although Maggie wants me to nap with her she isn’t out here with her mouth, tongue or body all over me while I type. She will just ignore me for a few hours after she gets up, assured in her feline knowledge that her absence is punishment enough.

So my birthday is a week from tomorrow. I do not celebrate but I do look forward to it. I will be 29. I know, you’re wanting to know how many times I’ve been 29. Well, I’ve never been 29 before and when I turn 30 I’ll be proud to admit that too. I’m one of the few people who sees age as an accomplishment. I can’t wait to be 30, 40, 50. I think that each year is a triumph in that you did not become a statistic. I have survived for almost 29 years, sometimes by force of will alone, and I’m looking forward to each year that comes. It doesn’t hurt that I have a baby face, though. I can imagine that if I were aging prematurely or had lines of really any sort on my face that I’d be more horrified by the passage of time…but I don’t know. I think that laugh lines and crows feet can add character to a face. Just not mine right now.

I saw Twilight on Friday night. I was disappointed that one of my favorite exchanges between Bella and Edward had been butchered (superhero reference) but other than that I was pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed Kristin Stewart as Bella and Rob Pattinson can bite up my pillows, break my headboard and bruise me up anytime…so long as he’s Edward when he does it. There were things I understood needed to be changed and things that made sense for a movie but would have ruined the book. I think it was well done and kudos to Stephanie Meyer for her cameo in the diner. I’ll do a full review later.

I hear complaints from quite a few women about how difficult it is to get promoted. The glass ceiling is something that has often held women down and has only been shattered by a select few. The morals on why that is, and whether or not it should be so, are something I am not going to get into here. I am, however, wondering about the dusty glass ceiling available to stay at home moms.

Stay At Home Mom…it’s a crap title. It says nothing about the constant errands to be run, the household issues that are settled immediately (instead of procrastinated on and worsened because time isn’t there), even discipline and organization are overlooked.

Worse than being a SAHM is being a Mom who WORKS FROM HOME. Now, you may ask, how is that worse? When you work from home can’t you just do things when you want? Don’t you just sit on your butt and watch tv and then pretend to work? What I say to those people is….ppppppppfffffffffttttttttt

I own my own business and it is BOOMING right now. I am not complaining, but it does make it more difficult to be as active in other things as I’d like. I try to make sure the kids are not just sitting around playing video games all summer. In fact, the oldest kid is FLYING through books this summer. I’m so glad he’s found a love of reading. The middle kid has to be FORCED to read, but someday she’ll realize how great it is. The short one loves to read but, since she’s just now going into 2nd grade, is somewhat limited on her reading choices.

People assume I can just hang out, that I don’t have to schedule everything and that we just have fun. I wish that was true. Every single little thing has to be scheduled. Which order the kids take showers and even what time they eat their meals has to be planned in advance. It is a little overwhelming at times, but it makes for a much more relaxed household (oddly enough). The kids know that they have to have breakfast by 9:30 or have to wait for lunch (which is between 12 and 12:30) and they don’t complain when they wake up late. They have to have their beds made and rooms picked up (and get dressed and brush their hair) before they play any games, watch any tv or do any reading. It takes them each a grand total of, at most, five minutes and then their rooms are good for most of the day. On Mondays we do heavy cleaning, scouring bathrooms and wiping down the mirrors in the dining room…the stuff you don’t do every day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have aquatherapy so they get to hang out on the bleachers at the pool and play games or read. On Wednesdays we go to the water park after lunch with their Dad (or Stepdad, respectively) and on Fridays we go to places we don’t normally get to. Today was the Yellow River Game Ranch, next week and the week after will be the Coke Museum and the High Museum of Art. Weekends are spent with Matt and we tend to go garage saling on Saturday afternoons if I’m up for it. Sundays are lazy days and everyone sleeps in. Since I have church on Saturdays (as well as Tuesdays and Thursdays) it’s nice to have that day to snuggle up and spend the morning with my husband.

It’s a busy life. In between all that I clean, cook, do some laundry (my wonderful husband helps out with that too) and make sure the kids aren’t killing each other…oh, and I work.

Me: Would you want me to sing at your funeral?

Matt: No, I want you to go first.

As much as that sounds callous he wants me to go first so that I don’t have to deal with living without him, knowing that he’d rather be the one in pain than having me in pain…I think it was really funny.

I got back in touch with some old friends today. It was good to hear about their lives and all the stuff they’re doing. I find myself completely cut off sometimes, so much so that Saturday night, when I went to a small party at a friends house, I managed to learn all kinds of developments. Some people had lost weight, some had gained, some had cut their hair (me included) and some had grown it out. Some had started new relationships, were progressing in their relationships or had ended it. It was like being thrown into a reunion and, honestly, I realized how much I’ve missed all of them. They’re great people and so generous and caring. I couldn’t ask for better friends. That and Apples to Apples is a kick butt game.

So today was a bit of a loss. I got things done but only under the surface, nothing big. We’d been moving furniture around all weekend to change around the rooms. Once I’m done I’ll post pictures. The place is looking great. Today was fighting with the ever growing paper monster and figuring what our next steps were (and not lifting anything because my back was ticked off from the even minor lifting I’d done this weekend).  

Do you ever look back at the past and realize that the answers to things you didn’t understand are so much clearer now? I mean the reason I left jobs or relationships now seems so much more understandable and sometimes…weren’t very good reasons for the change at all. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy and all my mistakes and weird choices have led me to being married to a wonderful man and having three great kids who keep me on my toes. Add in the lame (literally) dog and mentally disturbed cat and it makes for one fun household. I don’t know that I’d change anything, except maybe the cat litter. Have to do that in the next day or so. What I mean is that I realize how childish I was at times, even in the relationship I’m in now. I’ve said and done things that were so stupid and yet he loves me enough to let it all go and just be calm. I love my taciturn man.

This is one of those moments I feel like we should discuss what we’ve learned today but I think I summed it up. The cat needs her litter changed and Apples to Apples is a great party game when you’ve had a couple drinks and of course muscle relaxers and pain killers are necessary if I lift anything more than about six pounds. Go back and neck injuries!

Well, I’m done rambling. I know you’re relieved.

Stay out of trouble.

My wonderful husband woke me with a phone call this morning as my alarm clock (aka cell phone) was dead and in another room. Just like me to not have noticed that. It was great to hear his voice. He’d forgotten his cell phone (do you sense the pattern too?) so he called me from work.

There are moments in time that seem to run together, disappearing before you even realize they are happening. And then there are moments that hang in the air like a dust particle caught in a sunbeam, twisting and dancing before your eyes and feeling as if they could last forever. Sometimes I wish the moments with the kids were always the latter but so many of the former happen that at times I feel they are growing and changing right before my eyes. I am not complaining, I’m blessed enough to have them with us the majority of the time and to help them with their homework and know that when things bother them they know they can come to me.

 Matt came home from work for lunch and I had lunch ready for him. I’d changed out the days in his Franklin Covey organizer and packed him his mp3 player, cell phone and headphones in it. I’d also put in a week at a glance bookmarky thing that told him that in his role as Husband/Father his only work to do was “Be loved”. He also said he needed WD40 and tissues so I had those next to his organizer. Sometimes I just wish I was more imaginative in things I can do for him. I sometimes show up at his office with candies he likes and fill up the little jars I bought him. I get him movies he wants on the day they come out and have them under his pillow and I try to surprise him with little things but I feel a little lame, like there’s a much better way to do it. I do something similar for the kids, surprising them with things for dessert or dinner and sometimes having presents for them in hidden places that they come across once they get a hint. Matt and I have a HUGE surprise for them later this year but I’m not giving any hints here. Suffice it to say, all three of them are going to be so excited they might never stop grinning again.

 Maggie is giving me the “turn off the computer and pet me” look so I should probably go before she starts gnawing on my hands.

It seems like there is a distinct lack of this commodity today. I watch parents lying to their kids, employers lying to employees and politicians who…probably believe their own lies at this point. I start to wonder, would any of these people recognize the truth if it were in front of them?

The truth is that life isn’t always pretty. No matter how lofty our goals the journey there does not often go according to any plan.  What truly scares me is when people start to believe the lies they tell themselves and others. It’s so easy to do, but once you start lying you can’t seem to stop. The worst part of it is when other people, especially children, are the ones being lied to. I promised myself that I wouldn’t do that, that I would make an effort to be honest even when it doesn’t put me in a good light, and I think for the most part I’ve succeeded. Matt has been great about it too, even when the truth is something that hurts to discuss. It’s not easy admitting faults and defeats, especially to others, but it has helped me realize that although I like to think I have control over my life, sometimes things happen and admitting that is much easier than living with a lie.

Our kids have lied, like kids do, but now they’re being much more open and honest with us. Sometimes what they say isn’t what we’d like to hear, but it makes me feel good that they’re telling us how they really feel. I think it’s helped all of us become closer and has definitely allowed for us to correct some misconceptions that kids tend to have.  I just wish, sometimes, that everyone in their lives would do like we are. It’s hard to make sure teachers and grandparents and other parents are all on the same page. Hopefully they’ll realize that kids know the truth or know something worse than the truth (their imaginations are special) and just being honest is the best way to be.

I did my time. I did long division and story problems. I was in math club, spelling bees, advanced reading programs, the space program (5th grade, I saw an astronaut speak at The Broadmoor) and any other number of advanced and afterschool programs to expand and strengthen the mind. So why is it now that every day after 3 I’m forced to do 1st, 3rd and 7th grade math, language arts (why can’t they call it English anymore?), science, social studies and good old fashioned spelling? It’s like being punished for having smart kids. Stinking homework.

The hard part of homework isn’t the homework itself, that would make too much sense. The hard part is that teachers are not always effective in explaining things to children, who then come home and are absolutely certain that it’s either too hard for them or that I don’t know what I’m talking about when I try to help. I’m sure it’s no picnic on the other end either. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for parents who can’t be there with their kids after school and wouldn’t know the first thing to say or do in order to help them and how much harder that makes it for the teachers. There are a lot of immigrants here from many different countries who, unfortunately, probably didn’t have the education their children are getting. I’m glad they’re making sure their children are receiving it.

I grew up in Colorado Springs and since it has Peterson AFB, Fort Carson, NORAD and the AF Academy you tend to meet people from all walks of life. I went to school with kids who had German or Korean moms (or dads) and kids who had lived in Germany for years before their parent(s) was stationed in Colorado. I had friends who had lived all over the country, friends who had lived in other countries and some friends who spoke other languages at home but English at school. I don’t think I could have had a more diverse group of kids around me and it was a fantastic thing to experience as a child. I hope our spawn are learning the lesson I know I certainly did. It doesn’t matter what color skin is or where the person is from, all that matters is who the person is on the inside. I know, it’s all flowery and crap but it’s also true. It makes me happy to see that the kids have friends who are not all exactly like them physically. I’m hoping that this time here is helping them discover that we’re all people and we all deserve to be treated equally.

It’s not a lesson one can just say, it’s something that the kids have to learn by seeing how parents interact with people of all different backgrounds. Prejudice isn’t something that you’re born with, you learn it. My family and I, to this day, have friends from all walks of life and I hope that the example their Dad and I give all three of these kids will help them to do the same when they get older as well.

It seems as though this year there is wedding fever among my friends and family. My little sister got married this month and now a friend of mine is getting married next month. I’m in the wedding next month so I had to go buy a dress and a specific bra and undergown skirt thingy. It looks fantastic on, the dress is truly beautiful, but holy crap that’s a lot of hooks and zippers. It’s like strapping into armor, I feel mildly invincible. Matt really liked it too, he said I looked fantastic in the gown. Almost as pretty as I did in the black one I wore to the party we went to, but then that dress is, I believe, his very favorite dress ever.

It’s kid free this weekend.  Matt and I need to take some time and just enjoy each other. I’m hoping we are able to go to that pub in Decatur. It had fantastic food and beer and was so much fun. That and there is the cutest little bookshop/soda shop on square as well. Of course I’ll have to be feeling better than I have been…but then isn’t that always the case?

The kids all had their checkups and are all still human and rather healthy. I was really proud of the boy for not screaming or crying or anything when he got his two shots. He was such a trooper. The girls were easier since they were caught up with their immunizations. I’m just glad to know they’re all doing alright.

Well, it’s off to the kitchen to start up dinner. I think I’ll do ham and au gratin potatoes and maybe a vegetable medley. They’ll all like that.

Is it just me or has everyone on the continent gotten ill? I was speaking with a friend in Canada the other day and people are getting sick up there too. And it’s not just a cold and it doesn’t go away. I’ve been fighting something for almost two months. Of course being asthmatic doesn’t help, but come ON. I am so sick of being under the weather. At least I know it’s nothing fatal, just incredibly annoying.

I’m just glad the kids haven’t caught it. They’ve gotten the normal cold type things but Matt and I have both been sick as dogs off and on over the last few months. I guess that’s just the chance you have to take when married and affectionate, we keep giving each other the plague. I know he was never an affectionate person before but he’s become much more affectionate with me since we got together and he’s the obvious choice for hero to the kids. I didnt think I could love him more than the day I married him, but every day proves me wrong. I couldn’t be more blessed.

Speaking of the evil spawn, shortness has her checkup this evening and blondie and the boy have one tomorrow. Now we get to figure out just how tall they’ve gotten (not that having grown out of all their jeans in the last few months hasn’t been a sign). They grow like weeds, them three. Of course the cat wants to be in on that as well. She’s huge compared to when we got her a few months ago. It’s just one big growth spurt here. Even Matt has put on quite a bit of weight. He’s 1.2 lbs from his goal. I’m so proud of him and he looks fantastic. He’s got color in his cheeks and a smile on his face and I’ve never heard a man hum and sing as he does everything as much as Matt. It makes me very happy that he’s happy.

When you are dating, and have been married or been in a long relationship before, you tend to have certain expectations that must be met or you tend to show the guy the door. I had very strange expectations, limits, rules and sometimes I think I must be the most amazingly blessed woman on the planet because my honey managed to keep from violating any of those.

Rule 1. Shower daily (at least)

Rule 2. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom (I don’t care that you’re a guy, just do it)

Rule 3. Understand English humor (that’s right, BBC it up until you actually get the jokes and try not to look blank when I make a joke about Americans)

Rule 4. Have some kind of concept of pop culture when I was a child (this will be revisited later but means I want you to know what Fraggle Rock and Saved by the Bell is, even if you didn’t watch it)

Rule 5. You cannot be a huge Jason Mraz fan, or a boyband fan (you can like one song but if I hear you singing along to a cd I will have to declare you the girliest man I’ve ever met)

Rule 6. Orange Juice is the nectar of the Gods (any attempts to replace my orange juice with grapefruit will mean instant death)

Rule 7. Star Wars and Star Trek are two very different things (if you don’t know that you shouldn’t count yourself as a male of the species anyway)

Rule 8. Be ready to read. (Being a friend, and especially a boyfriend/fiancé/husband of mine means you’ll be doing a lot of reading)

Rule 9. I’m right

Rule 10. Know what Oregon Trail is*

 There are several more rules that can be bent but the previous ten are pretty strident. Thankfully I’m married to man who occasionally gets a weird look on his face and yells “KHAAAAAAAAAN”, which really brightens my day. He also has a healthy concept of when I’m right (usually) and when he’s wrong (rarely, these two things are not mutually exclusive). He watches BBC with me, always has orange juice made and kicks my butt at 80’s and 90’s trivial pursuit. I adore my husband.

*Oregon Trail is a game I used to play in elementary school (go 1980’s computers). I have rarely, if ever, managed to get my peoples wagon train from the east all the way to Oregon and have never done it without anyone in the party dying. In fact I became so good at killing off my people that I started trying to make up funny epitaphs. Years later I was playing a newer version at my Grandparent’s house and managed to kill off the entire party. I proceeded to write “We Should Have Eaten The Kids”, which I found amusing but horrified my Grandma enough that she forced me to watch a movie about the Donner Party. Always weird to see the Mom from Growing Pains in a period piece.